


but i'll never wander, my friend

by manchestereye (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dan Howell Needs A Hug, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Teenagers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Online Friendship, Online Relationship, Rape Aftermath, platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 23:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20348431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/manchestereye
Summary: phil comforts dan





	but i'll never wander, my friend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [icosmics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icosmics/gifts).

> was listening to tangled in the great escape and then cried a little bit writing this

dan wants to cry. a lot. but he doesn’t. he doesn’t feel like he could cry, after crying a lot earlier that night. he feels anxious, and scared. he doesn’t feel like he could trust anyone at all. 

his stupid friends ditched him while he had to go home alone in the dark. he walked home because he doesn’t have his license, and his parents wouldn’t appreciate being woken up at this hour. his “friends” said that there was no room in the car for him anymore. 

he was scared that something would happen to him, but they told him he would be fine. dan didn’t believe them, but he had no choice. 

he was right though, something did happen to dan. 

after walking a few blocks, he was approached by some other teenage boys. classmates of his, specifically. those who would call him a “dyke” for having short hair. dan did whatever he could to fight, only for him to be knocked down to the ground. his screams and shouts couldn’t be heard at all. 

when he got home, everyone was asleep. no one was there to ask him how the night out with friends went. though he supposed he wouldn’t have really wanted to talk about it anyways. it just hurt that no one bothered to even wait for dan to come home anymore. 

he feels icky, and gross. health class told him not to take a shower when something like this happens, and to go straight to the police, but dan couldn’t really give a shit right now. the police is too far away on foot, and dan wants to forget about this as much as possible. 

so he takes a shower. it’s scalding, and his skin immediately turns bright red. dan scrubs vigorously, anything to get rid of the gross and sticky feeling. it doesn’t work. it just leaves dan with red skin and an even more uncomfortable feeling. 

when he goes to bed that night, he can’t sleep. the memories of the night replay in his head. dan doesn’t know how to feel. his mood abruptly changes from sad to angry, and he can’t really control it. there are unread messages from the friends he hung out with, but he doesn’t dare respond, not with his angry mindset.

there’s another message from his best friend phil, telling him to sleep well. phil is everything that dan isn’t. cisgender, happy, not broken. dan responds with a goodnight, but doesn’t bring up what happened. it would be better to explain on a phone call, or not to explain it at all. phil doesn’t need whatever this was on his plate.

he gets woken up a few hours later, for school. dan doesn’t want to go, but his parents aren’t having any of it. he hurts all over, but he endures the pain anyways.

it’s spring, but dan has the urge to cover everything up. he puts on his binder, the one that he secretly got from phil. he doesn’t wear it all the time, because he’s not out and everyone would surely notice. he puts on a turtle neck, just because he can, and insists on wearing the jeans without rips. they’re the most uncomfortable pants in his closet, but he doesn’t care. 

dan snaps at his mother when she asks about the turtleneck. she tells him that he’s being ungrateful. he just tunes it out and chooses to walk to school instead of getting in his mother’s car.

the school day is awful. he gets results from the trig test last week telling him that he failed it. he cries in the bathroom during passing period about it, because _ jesus christ dan, you’re a failure. if you’re in a math class two grades ahead you should know how to do this.  _ dan gets yelled at for being late to english, earning himself a detention. he also gets yelled at in chemistry and tech for not paying attention. he goes to the library during lunchtime only for it to be closed. 

there’s only two classes left in the day, he chooses to skip them. he walks out of campus, not caring about the security cameras or attendance log. dan needs to get out of there. 

he walks home, because his parents are at work. dan goes up to his room and takes a nap, only for it to be haunted by a nightmare. 

he opens phil’s text thread. phil’s sent him a few text messages telling him to take care of himself and to have a good day at school. it’s monday, phil doesn’t have class today. phil’s schedule is a little bit weird, because he doesn’t go to school full time, but dan knows his schedule for the semester by heart.

phil picks up on the first ring, just like always. 

“hi dan! how are you doing?” dan could hear phil’s cheery voice through the speaker. he starts crying.

“not very well. i-i got hurt last night. p-people were mean to me today. i skipped.” dan says through broken sobs.

“it’s okay bear, i’m here for you.”

“thank you.”

they talk for hours. phil distracts him as much as possible with other things, and makes dan laugh. ever since they became friends, phil’s always tried to make dan laugh. he’s thankful for that. if dan didn’t have phil right now, he probably would’ve ended his life. 

there were other instances where he wanted to do that. when the kids at school threw eggs at him while he was going home, when someone beat him up for looking queer. but phil was there to help him out. 

“hey dan?” phil says, breaking the silence between them.

“yeah?”

“i have a surprise for you.”

“oh? what is it?” dan asks.

“i’m visiting you next week! mum said yes!” phil laughs.

dan beams. “really? i’m so excited, thank you so much!”

phil does hand heart through the camera, and dan returns the gesture. 

-

the doorbell rings a week later, and when dan checks through the peephole, he sees that it’s phil. they’re in a bone crushing hug when dan opens it.

“i’m so glad you’re here!” dan says, giggling. he’s crying happy tears for once.

“me too. i’ve wanted to hug you for a long time now. especially after how bad last week was.” phil responds.

“it’s okay, you’re here now.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you
> 
> tumblr: sudden-sky


End file.
